Why are so many men into crossdressing?

Lets start with the idea that every single person on earth has, at one moment in life considered what sex might be like from the opposite gender. 

I know as a women I have often wondered what it might be like to be a man, to cum to fuck, to take a women or indeed another man or sissy. When I use a strapon on my husband and other gurls I feel so powerful, it is a feeling I encourage all women to seek out, even if it is the one and only time you try it. 

But lets take a step back for a moment, my relationship is perhaps a little more advanced than most, as regular readers know my husband is almost always dressed as my maid, my gurlfriend I have turned my husband into a willing cuck and we have never looked back. 

Perhaps you have just discovered your husbands stash, or you caught him dressing? What ever the situation I do understand it can be difficult at times, so many questions rush through your mind... Is he gay? Does he not find you attractive? What else is he not telling me? So many complex and confusing thoughts. 

Understanding his need helps to place your feelings and also helps you to decide what you want to do about the situation. Most crossdressers have a need to be wanted, a desire to feel desired. There is a misconception amoung many crossdressing men that being an attractive women, a desired women makes life eaiser. Most crossdressing men have an alter-ego, they have created a female version of themselves. Normally it is someone cute, attractive and submissive. Crossdressers have a very specific view of the female inside. The gurl he has created, the gurl he longs to be is always sensual, girly, highly sexed and eager to please men and women. 

This female alter-ego is also desperate for female acceptance, that closeness true girlfriends share, the intimacy only women seem to have in friendships, sharing clothes, talking about guys, fashion, makeup. All based on some falsehood of womenhood invited in the mind of the crossdresser. Yes these women exist and yes female friendships are much more about feelings, but I can assure all you crossdressers most women do not behave in the way you imagine.

With that in mind it is worth noting that most crossdressers are not seeking reality, they are seeking a fantasy they have constructed in their minds. Lingerie and dressing plays an important part in that fantasy. Dressing, being girly, taking submissive roles for their alter-egos, like maids, schoolgirls, secretaries, air hostesses and so on.

Almost all crossdressers are desperate for an idealised version of femininity, seeking out an overly femm construct. Girlfriends sharing clothes, talking about boys pillow fights and sleeping with each other are all imagined by men who are desperate to feel, to think, to explore that side of femininity. 

Most crossdressers although married have very little experience with women, most have only had 3-6 sexual partners. They have an innate need to be wanted to be desired and to feel sexy. Crossdressers are perhaps the most sexist of men. They feel if they were a woman they would choose to be looked after, they are envious of women as they feel women have it easier, they feel women can simply spread their legs and allow themselves to be fucked and therefore get what they want. 

To be clear this is not my opinion, but it is it seems the opinion of most crossdressers yes they admire women, yes they feel women are equal but they also feel a woman can simply be girly, wear a short skirt and stockings and flick her hair and get what she wants. Crossdressers want that power, the power of using femininity and the female form to control. This might also be the biggest and most confusing aspect of Crossdressers, they desire a female form they desire realism, they desire to look, sound, move like real women, they desire the power a woman has, but they are also longing for the submissive role, Crossdressers want to be taken care of as a woman.    

 

A big part of the process for many cross dressers is naming their femm alter-ego. Knowing your husbands femm name is a powerful step in the process to managing his needs and persona - many times I have been emailed by women who have expressed seeing their husbands persona change. One particualar email comes to mind from a couple in New York. He is a software developer and she is a Fabric Designer. Lets call them Sue and Bob. Sue and I have spoken at length and I hope to meet her and Bob's alter-ego Tabitha, once the travel restrictions are lifted. Sue mentioned that She had discussed Bob's crossdressing and found him to be non communicative and difficult, almost to the point he dismissed the whole event. Sue was frustrated and found the whole things difficult and that is when like most women she found my blog and asked for help. We discussed several options, Sue however did not want her marriage to end and was desperate to find a solution.

The moment Sue, started to discuss Bob as Tabitha, Bob changed. Sue described the changes in Bob, he became more compliant, less concerned with being ashamed and much more aligned to Sue's suggestions. Do not underestimate the moment a wife uses her husbands femm name. Or uses female pronouns. I have seen crossdressers visibly shake with excitment when they are called by their female name or encouraged by the use of terms like, 'good girl' 'well done sweetie' and even more so when the wife uses less congratulatory terms, 'you are a naughty girl'. 

I find that once you have established the facts with your crossdressing husband these images and questions are very useful in understanding and determining his needs. Using Bob which I will now refer to as Tabby and Sue as an example, Sue, myself and Tabby (do note Tabby was fully dressed as her female alter ego) arranged a Zoom call, it is important to note that Sue and Tabby although in the same apartment they were sat in different rooms this is important to allow Tabby and Sue to express their feelings.

I ran through my questions to Tabby while sharing my screen. The below is a slightly edited transcript to protect all participants.

 

Tabby I want you to study the image and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind (please note all of Tabby's responses are in pink and Sue's responses in Blue and my comments and responses are in Black) 

Wow, she is amazing I wish I could be like her

Good girl, now Tabby tell me what you mean to be like her, go into a little more detail 

Well, I want to be able to be her for a while and then, be me again... 

Ok, that is interesting do go on Tabby

(Blushing) If I was her I would wear something much cuter and also have makeup on, I would want to well you know what a girl like that would want...

(Confused) What do you mean Tabby, a girl like that

Please Sue let Tabby finish, you will find that most if not all crossdressers are full of contradictions and confused and mixed up understanding of womenhood and male female relationships. Tabby I would guess you have had no more than 5 sexual partners, be honest...

Yes Sue is my 4th sexual partner 

(Angry) But you told me you had slept with 16 women in your life before marrying me!

Sue this is quite common. Now Tabby I want you to explain yourself, what do you mean a girl like that...

(Blushing and very timid response) well you know... girls like that want sex, they want to be used and taken by a guy, they want cock

Really Tabby...

(Giggling) Cock, Tabby, really cock

Sue please Tabby's thoughts are valid if a little confused and obviously straight out of a male ego whoch has spent far too much time on internet porn sites. 

Ok Tabby lets hold that thought for a moment. I want you to look at this image and tell me 3 things you notice 

(Blushing) Well, its cute, she is interested in him and she is encouraging him with her eyes and gentle smile and turning herself towards him. Oh and I do like her outfit and bag.

Well done Tabby, anything else?

Yes, well, yes, um....... 

Go on Tabby, we are all girls here, it is a safe space

(Blushing) Well, I was wondering would she feel him? 

Sue did you want to answer this question for Tabby?

(Blushing) Well, I am ok I guess... It depends on his size Tabby, but yes even smaller penises can be felt if they are hard enough, larger penises well even if they are soft they can be felt. 

(Giggling) Wow girls we are all blushing, tell me Tabby how does it make you feel when Sue talks about cock?

(Blushing) Excited, aroused, curious and (mumbles) envious

Are you aroused right now

(Blushing) Tabby nods his head and bits his lower lip

Envious of what

Tabby answer Sue 

Envious of being wanted that much that I can make a man hard, I know I am not that big...

(Sue interrupts) No you are not that big, in fact you are one of the smallest guys I have been with, but that is ok, I didnt marry you for your sexual prowess or lack of it. 

But...

Tabby it is ok, as a woman you will have to come to terms with some of these feelings and thoughts, stop thinking like a man, only a guy would be upset about his lack of sexual ability, now lets continue...

 

 

 

Tell me what this image makes you feel...

 

(Sue interrupts Laughing) Hungry look at it (blushing) he reminds me of my college boyfriend

 

Thank you Sue, that is sweet of you to share but I am keen to get Tabby's perspective, oh and Sue honey, I would love to hear more about that boyfreind and his monster (giggling) 

 

(Sue blushing) oh honey, he was a real tiger, just thinking about it makes me shiver

Sue, you lucky lucky girl... Tabby can you see real women support and nurture, I want Sue to have a wonderful expereince and she wants me to also have a similar experience and we both can then share our feelings and expereinces without the sordid elements that seems to be a common trait of crossdressers

(timid and blushing) Sue, can you tell me how you felt when you were with him

Why do you need to know Tabby and to be honest you do not have a frame of reference, how can you possibly understand how Sue felt?

(a little whiny) But I need to know

Sue sweetie, this is the ugly side of crossdressers the "DRAMA" they can be HARD work! Now Tabby do be quiet, theres a good girl and let me continue, as I was saying before Sue starting licking her lips (giggle) tell me what this image makes you feel and why

 

(Blushing, very quiet and timid) Ashamed, small, less of a man, weak and envious but from, oh my god I am going to be so ashamed of this... I, well, I am (pause) 

 

Tabby hun tell us...

 

Well... (pause)

 

Tabby we are waiting...

 

Well (casts eyes down and sobs a little)

 

Tabby we discussed this, we agreed to be open and honest 

 

Well I well, I... (Pause)  

Tabby, sweetie you are dressed in your wifes lingerie, a pencil skirt and blouse, tights and you are wearing makeup, a wig, hoop earings and heels, talking to me while your wife describes her huge monster cock boyfriend... I think ashamed left the building when you slid into your lace thong, don't you honey? NOW you faggot FUCKING TELL ME and Sue RIGHT NOW

(Tabby looks at the camera her makeup has run a little and he is shocked at my outburst) Sue I am so so sorry, I am really I am... (pause) 

I am envious I wish I had his cock becuase it might have cured my crossdressing desire if I was built more like him, but I also am envious of Sue for being with someone like that, I want to know what it feels like, I want to be able to have that inside me, to feel him take me to have him slide into my mouth...

Well done Tabby, see that was not so hard was it? Now as we have built a little momentum I want to ask you quickly what you feel of these images - Sue please stay quiet for the moment, now Tabby this will be quick you need to respond almost without thinking and anything you want to say is ok. 

 

 

Oh, I wonder what it taste like... (blushing)

And this image 

I wonder what it feels like to be exposed like that to be used

Tabby you are a little slut arent you (giggle). But sweetie that is ok. 

And this image 

I sooo want to be her, I love the fact that the girls in the background are either shocked or cheering. Is that wrong?

As I said Tabby there is no wrong or right, just be honest. 

 

And this image

Well, I am scanning the faces to decide which girl I would want to be...

Ok and which one did you choose and why

It is between the first girl on the left and the 3rd girl from the left, they both seem to have the best bodies and faces and I love their hair, if I had to choose I would say the blonde, (giggle) they have more fun

And this image 

I want to be the girl in the pink dress and the girl sitting down I would love that to be Sue

Do you see yourself as the girl in pink? Is this what your female alter-ego looks like?

No...

Ok which of these images is the closest to your alter ego Tabby, imagine Tabby in your minds eye...

 

Image 1

Image 2

Image 3

Image 4

Image 5

Image 6

Image 7

Image 8

Image 9

This is so hard I want to be them all

Select one Tabby

Ok... Image 9

Good girl, now I want you to pick a female role, the one that speaks to you. The one you wish you could live, be honest...

The Bride

The Lingerie Model

 

 

The Whore

 

Trophy Wife

The Sexy Girlfriend

The Schoolgirl

The Secretary

The Parisian

 The College Girl

The Maid 

Oh so many to choose from, they are all adorable... I think the Trophy Wife

How interesting so many crossdressers select the maid, whore or secretary

And finally Tabby you can only select one sexual action, which will you choose

Dressed as Tabby and kissing Sue

Dressed as Tabby and playing with your cockette

Dressed as Tabby and sucking a real cock

 Dressed as Tabby and being fucked

 

Dressed as Tabby with Sue and your sister cheering you on as you use your fake breasts to masturbate Sue's latest boyfriend

Choose 1 

Dressed as Tabby sucking a real cock

So you are gay

Sue please let Tabby finish

No Sue as a guy I am not into guys but as Tabby it is normal for me to like guys

At this point I sent Tabby off to cook a meal for Sue. Sue and I discussed the situation. Sue added that she had been amazed at the volume of crossdressers and the amount of blogs and content online. I added that it was one of the most widespread kinks.  I added that some guys are desperate to have a girlfriend type relationship with their wives or partners, they desperatly want to discuss sex with guys, how wonderful a big cock is, what it feels like when it slides in. What is it like when a guy really fucks you. They want to add this information to their female persona. 

My advice Sue is to use this to your advantage, let the sissy clean and cook, save the money you would spend on a cleaner and use it to spoil yourself. Date other guys, have fun with it. 

Tabby is your plaything and s/he will adore you for treating her/him as such. The most loyal and most succesful relationships are those that have a sissy gurl and or beta male for a husband or partner.