How I feel

There are so many gurls out there that MUST read this post. It has been a revolation and I can only suggest that you all take the time to really read this post and understand the emotions and challenges described by the writer. (I have shortened the email as Luke seems to have written a novel!)

Let me explain. I received an email from a husband, lets call him Luke. To put this into context, Luke worked at a bank, his wife works in admin in a legal firm. They are both in their very early 30s and like most couples at that age were thinking about starting a family. They met at yoga classes and have been very much a team. 

About a year and half a go Luke lost his job and has been struggling with his pride, self worth and things have gotten much more challenging, in recent weeks.Luke continues his email outlining that he felt ashamed and lost so started to pick up more and more home chores, he was helping before, but now he was doing everything, cleaning cooking, washing and grocery shopping. 

His email continues to outline his frustration with his wife, and her almost flippant attitude to his role and his work within the home. He found himself becoming more and more house proud as his self worth declined, as if his entire identity revolved around how clean and fresh the laundary was, or how well the mugs aligned in the cupboard or the forks in the draw. 

One evening while they both watch TV, Luke's wife turned to him and said.

"Be a sweetie, make me a herbal tea"

Luke without thinking stands up and mutters under his breath, what am I your maid. 

Luke's wife hears this, obviously Luke admits to actually wanting her to hear him. He starts to make an excuse and walks to the kitchen, Luke's wife follows and she starts to shout. Luke bursts into tears. This stops his wife in her tracks and she softens and says whats wrong. 

Between sobs Luke explains,

I dont have a job, I feel ashamed, you are doing all the work and earning everything and I cant even buy you a gift, I clean and clean, I cook and I dont get any validation for my efforts. I feel sooo ashamed, I feel like a girl. 

I get so frustrated when you come home from work and dont notice how nice the house is and then you kick off your heels and drop your handbag on the sofa and I hand you a glass of wine and you carry on without noticing the launduary is down and your blouses are all ironed and put away, dinner is on and and...

God you are such a drama queen his wife almost lashes out 

He sobs and says I know I hate it, I dont know why I feel like a wife 

What does that even mean, responds his wife. 

Is this how married woman feel?  Luke continues, is their self worth connected to how well they keep house, how well they manage their homes?

Lukes email continues that they went to bed and nothing more was said. 

The next morning his wife went to work and he spent the next morning searching the internet and stumbled on my blog he added that he read everything on the blog and had to email me. 

I wonder gurls have you asked your wives how they feel?